HOUSE M.D.

So, while folding laundry last night I flipped on the television. This is strange in of itself. And that is because normally, my television use is reserved STRICTLY for intentional NFL football viewing, Playstation 2 use, DVD watching, and an assortment of other rare special occasions (such as election night coverage, other sporting events, etc). Hence, I'm honestly not sure what propelled me to merely "flip on the TV" last night. (Normally, performing a mundane activity such as folding laundry would be accompanied by me either putting on music or being on the phone.) But, for whatever reason, I flipped on the TV, and it must have been fate.

I flipped around a minute at first and ended up catching the end of "Rebel Billionaire" (or whatever it's called) and I watched Richard Branton (name of Virgin guy?) throw his well spoken british rich boy tude around in yet another ridiculous reality show. There was some bungy jumping, a mock barrel over Victoria Falls, a bunch of strung out professionals competing, and finally a lot of ridiculous cliff hanger type cutaways with dramatic music, but nothing all too exciting that made me want to put down that sweater and pay more attention.

After that, however, the TV rambled on and on rolled out a little piece of magic called "House M.D.". Billed as the new brainchild of Bryan Singer (The Usual Supects and X-men guy), I had seen about 42,312 ads for the show through my hours and hours of NFL football watching. (The show is on FOX). I remembered thinking the ads were hilarious - it looked like it was going to be one of those ridiculous overly dramatic Doctor Shows (Tm) where indignant people scream things like "You're putting my patient's LIFE in danger!!!" and the like.

Lucikly, it didn't disappoint.

This thing wasn't just good, it was gold. Pure gold. I could never come close to writing unintentional comedy this staggeringly brilliant in its scope. After about 10 minutes of watching, I was sitting energetically forward on my couch, eyes wide, mouth open, big smile, and stomach hurting from repeated belly laughs at the sheer inanity of the entire show. (It was one of those times when you would try and keep yourself from laughing more just so you wouldn't miss other things going on as you laughed outrageously about the last thing.)

I don't even know where to begin in describing this gem. From the "edgy" doctor tude displayed by House, to the horrific yet hilarious continuity errors regarding the field of medicine, this show is a veritable gold mine of entertainment. Now, admittedly a lot of this may not be quite as funny to someone not in the medical field. And that fact is exactly why I called George about 20 minutes into the show. By the grace of God, he had ALSO been randomly watching and we both agreed it was the funniest shit ever. Ever.

Its really hard to describe why it's so funny, but a lot of it has to do with how ridiculously over-dramatic everything is. No one that is writing this show has ever been in a hospital. I'm convinced of it. For one thing, hospitals have light - LOTS of light. Not devious mood lighting. And that's just the beginning.

For those who don't know, the show is about some crazy-renegade-doesn't-play-by-the-rules-but-is-tolerated-because-he's-supposedly-brilliant DOCTOR guy. That's House. (House...MD, that is). From what we could gather, he's some sort of infectious disease doctor; but he's really more of a super doctor in that he has three fully trained, cutting-edge physicians who work directly beneath him. (If this sort of set up exists anywhere in the US, it would be complete news to George and I, btw). And you better believe that House and his peeps are masters of thinking outside the box. They sit around in the radiology reading room looking at various scans and the young docs toss out medical dogma while that Crazy House (MD!) brushes them off and rebuts insight with witticisms. Boy, is he crazy! Then he pulls some ridiculous diagnosis out of his ass (for no real reasons and based on no clear evidence whatsoever) and all the young pups in his presence are wowed.

(ASIDE: Medical shows are hilarious for the "big words" they throw around. They're definitely using real terms, but the linkages and associations often make no sense or are downright funny. Always a hoot; sadly (and fortunately for FOX ratings), most of the non-medically trained folks miss out on this brilliant unintentional comedy. Which begs the question - aren't doctors helping write these shows? (a la the technical advisors on Star Trek). My guess would be yes - but I suspect that they probably merely show up, make sure things don't sound totally assanine, then take their paycheck and get the hell out of there. Good times. I'd love to help out with dramatic "doctor writing".)

And man how that House MD is quirky! He's got a great comeback for any line anyone can throw at him. He quotes the Rolling Stones. He doesn't even LIKE seeing patients, claiming that they lie! He doesn't wear a white coat. He limps and uses a cane because of a "thigh muscle infarction" (the scene in the first episode where he describes this is particularly over-dramatic and satisfyingly funny). He tells one chick he hired her because she was hot. He sends Omar Epps to some patient's house to "search for clues" like some sort of medical CSI. (we knew this was coming). And the list goes on and on.

"He's uncontrollable. He's a 'wild man'. His methods are completely unpredictable!"
"But he'll get the job done!"

And of course, by the end of show, House is on the money, winging diagnoses around and nailing them. Even his arch-rival (the overly hot 31 year old hospital administrator lady - yeah, that exists) has to admit "He's the best damn doctor we have!" Everyone sings his praises, especially the 29 year old patient whose life is saved when House (MD!) correctly nails the parasytic neurocystosarcosis diagnosis and prescribes the proper medication. In the process, of course, everyone learns a little something about themselves, and yes, maybe even a little bit about life.

There is a HUGE list of hilarious stuff from this show. But I won't list it here. Some of my favorite quotes:

"Worms LOVE thigh muscle."

This exchange:

"What's wrong with making a mistake?"
"I'm a doctor - when I make a mistake, people DIE."

(Yeah, that was the best exchange ever. Today at work George and I have been tossing that around as often as we can. It really never does get old. [and it helps if you slam your fist on a table or desk when you say it])

"Dr. House cured you. You didn't cure him." (LOL)

And more. Oh so much more.

And that leads me to the problem with TV. I may have to start watching this show. I thought I would never go back to routinely "watching shows", but thinking about how entertaining this is, I don't know if I could sleep at night knowing what I would be missing. Good old TV. I would strongly encourage one to check out House (MD!) if you are around Tuesday nights at 9 pm. It's funny shit.

-Discostup

PS - Haven't read enough today? - try this old "Sport's Guy" column out about he and his buddy going to a real UFC match. One of his best. And reminds me of the time that Rich, Gabe, his boys and I went to "Bash at the Beach" back in San Diego.