"South Africans battle baboons in city streets"

This is a pretty typical headline these days, and it certainly piqued my interest while browsing cnn.com this afternoon. In fact, before I make fun of just how ridiculous and exaggerated this headline is, I really should give pause and think of how well it worked on me. Damn those marketing guys are good.

I read a lot of science/fantasy fiction, and so when I see a headline like this, I immediately think of an unchecked ARMY of baboons, led by a grizzled gray-haired elder baboon (presumably with an eye patch), brandishing makeshift clubs, charging into the city, breaking car windows, bashing the hell out of patio furniture, and frenzying en mass to pummel and fling feces at some poor villagers caught in the open, stopping their hellish cavalcade only briefly to let out loud whoops and bare fangs before diving in again.

That is what I imagine, and I don't know why, but I find it hilarious.

So when I watch the video attached to this link:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/africa/04/26/baboons.south.africa/index.html?hpt=C2

I feel like I've been duped again by the headlines. It appears the baboon "war" has been slightly exaggerated.


Despite the letdown, I remain amused. What I find funny, even in this video, are the photos of baboons getting into stuff: Baboons running around on the roofs, baboons prying at car door handles as if mid-carjacking, and best of all, one random baboon trying to work a cell phone.

I'm sure some poor bastard left his cell phone lying around outside at some point, only to realize it a moment later after hearing a wild shriek from out on the patio. He probably ran outside, already too too late but just in time to see some red-assed baboon sprinting the other direction, whooping it up with his new toy.

Then, I imagine with glee, that same guy staring helplessly as the baboon sat down and tried to work the thing from the safety of a large rock it had just scampered up.

"Hey Joe, what's going on?"

Angry point...

"That baboon stole my phone!"

That is hilarious to me, and made no less comical by the fact that the word "baboon" is inherently amusing in itself. It seems to imply by its very phonetics an aggressive yet impish primate who loves to get in to shit and then promptly whoop it up.


I for one, greet this "battle with baboons", with open arms.






I can't believe much the owner of that phone was schooled by this baboon. And how awesome would it be if this baboon took a picture of its junk and texted it to all the contacts on the phone?

Unfortunately, Gandalf escaped....

Here are a couple of links detailing an especially ridiculous situation in our present day world.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8598134.stm

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=121715788&ps=cprs


A TV personality in Saudi Arabia, daring to "predict the future", is accused of sorcery and sentenced to death.

It's almost as if Saudi Arabian authorities are doing The Onion's job for them.

When I read something like this, the cynical part of me is left wondering what sort of awful place Saudi Arabia (where God forbid you open a woman's fitness club) will devolve into once the world could care less about its oil, its main source of income dries up, and the its leaders become poor while its masses stay uneducated and become angry. Oh right, it will probably turn into most of the other parts of the middle east.

On the other hand, the slightly giddy part of me focuses on the concept that a country, in our world, today, in 2010, on earth, actually has a section in its law articles referring to "sorcery", and details it as a crime. In some ways, I must admit, this is actually kinda awesome. (As long as you don't actually live there I mean.)

Here is a picture of Ali Hussain Sibat, a Lebanese man, host of a radio show where he "sometimes predicted the future", who currently stands accused of first degree sorcery:




According to the prosecution this is a photo of Sibat in the studio during a recording session:






It turns out the Saudi Arabians are very good at this sort of thing. According to the CSI Saudi Arabia show (Theme Song: Pinball Wizard) pilot, the crack team struck a deal with the finally captured Merlin - now he works FOR them. (The chemistry between Merlin and the cool-as-ice, besunglassed, one-line maestro team leader is reportedly AWESOME.) With Merlin's help, turns out CSI Saudi Arabia almost always get their man:





Captured at Orthanc








Caught but sacrificed himself rather than be taken alive





Crazy old man thought dead, but reportedly now more powerful than Arabian David Caruso can possibly imagine





Captured, let off on brilliantly played "Enchanter Technicality" defense, now at large





Evaded capture, last seen heading to Gray Havens. (Gwendolyn Brophy found nearby, crying.)

This guy and I could be friends

This quote, from a related article, was amusing to me:

"When asked about the inevitable "Grizzly Man" comparisons, Anderson is quick to point out differences between himself and the ill-fated Timothy Treadwell. "We are two men with the same passion," he told National Geographic. "But we practice that passion in a very different way. Wild bears are not particularly fond of humans, and for good reason. So imposing myself upon wild bears seems, to me, very foolish."


More importantly, I've longed to discover a piece of evidence to finally convince Gwendolyn just how realistic my dream of a bear-based home security system (four bears, two outside, one upstairs, one downstairs, on rotating shifts) actually is. Looks like I can finally rest my case.