PROFIS, Mick, and Gates

So I have some good news and here it is:

After a little bit of fretting, I found out that I'm no longer on the PROFIS list for the 2-6 infantry of the 2nd brigade of the 1st Armored Division.

Why does that matter? Well, it matters because that unit is going back to Iraq in November, and I didn't want to be stuck going again. The word PROFIS is short, in military lingo, for something like "Professional Filler System" (aka PRO FI S). To be "Profis'd" is to be assigned to a unit when they deploy. Docs are not normally attached to line units like infantry battalions, because normally, in their day to day "garrison" operations, said battalions have PA's (Physician's Assistants) handle all their medical needs. Docs rather, are attached, or "PROFIS'd" and really only have to interact with them when deployment orders come down and its time to go somewhere bad.

So the last time, when I went to Iraq, I learned I was PROFIS'd in February, and then orders came in March. Once the orders came in - BAM - the rest is history. El Paso, Kuwait, Baghdad, mortars, nightmares. All of it.

I didn't want to caught being sent again, especially when there are many, many docs in the Army that haven't gone. (Theoretically its an "everbody goes once before anybody goes twice" type of system.) But the system has flaws, and the Army can be known for its political bullshit, and Landstuhl is no different, with more conniving individuals able to play the system, and so I was afraid of not getting off of that list in time and being stuck going to the middle East again.

I went to talk to my division chief about all of this last week and he had had no idea this unit was going back so soon - I guess it was a real eye opener for him. His lack of knowledge about the situation kind of freaked me out - since he is sort of supposed to be in charge of tracking this sort of thing. He is supposed to know whom, among his bevy of docs, is actually PROFIS'd, and to which units - and so I started to get worried that no one had taken me off that list, and that I would be stuck going again while several never-been-deployed schmoes at Landstuhl laughed it up in my face.

Well, I certainly didn't like it. But just as I was about to resign myself to an unlucky fate of deploying again - and soon - and start cursing the jerks around me (not really - they're nice guys - just no one wants to be deployed), I got my hands on the new PROFIS list for my OLD brigade. Pete himself, still in a position of power over at Baumholder, provided this list. And I was not on it. So I will officially NOT deploy back to Iraq with this unit in November. Some newer, younger, never-before-deployed dude is going to go in my stead.

Which is good.

I guess it was MEDCOM, back in the States who made this call to switch in a whole new set of PROFIS docs for the old ones (I wasn't the only one in jeopardy here), though I can't be sure. Either way, the right thing was done (I SHOULDN'T go back until all other available docs have gone at least once), and all seems a little more right - or fair at least - with the army today.

Now this doesn't protect me indefinitely from further deployments, but it does buy me more time in my race to get out (just over 24 months left...). Hopefully I'll never go to shitty, foul-smelling, what-the-hell-are-doing-there Iraq ever again. You see, I really, really don't want to go back. Feel like I've done my time and all that.

So score one for Medcom for doing the right thing - this is indeed good news for me as well as other freedom lovers everywhere.


In other news

The subset of friends - the bulk of my San Diego boys, that is - that know me in one way as "Mick" will be amused to know that Gwen, Pete, Pete's friend, and I are headed to Ireland this weekend for a little four-day vacation. The origins of my nickname "Mick" are somewhat vague, but I think they revolve mostly around the sound-alike "Mike" and an old Saturday Night Live skit involving a Real World parody, with Mike Myers being an Irish guy and proclaiming, "I'm from Dublin - listen to me", and Adam Sandler loudly replying "Shudddup you STU-PID MICK!" And the rest is history. I'm officially 'Mick.'

With that in mind, I'm headed to Dublin itself ("Listen to me") this weekend for what should be a good time. As I understand it, Pete has gotten us signed up for some sort of pub crawl on one of the nights and things could get fairly ugly. Though I suppose if you don't go to Ireland to get drunk and fight, then you really have sort of missed out. Adventures of "Mick" to follow...


More VIP Sightings...

Also, I saw the Secretary of Defense Robert Gates at work yesterday. I was on the ward yesterday finishing some paperwork. Next thing I know there were frantic calls from the nursing admin staff that "Robert Gates was coming to hand out purple hearts!" A few moments later, after everyone was scurrying around (I continued charting and sighing), he strolled in, all 5 foot 6 inches of him (he's remarkably short) and went off down the hall with a few Generals on his heels to hand out purple hearts to the wounded joes.

Shaking my head, I finished my charting and then went out into the main hall, which was crawling with black-suited, sunglass wearing, ear-pieced secret service men standing with their backs to walls, their chests puffed out, and their hands crossed. It looked like a Matrix audition. For a brief moment I wanted to stroll right up to one and say something like, "I know Kung Fu," just to see what would happen.

I didn't though. Instead, I simply shook my head again and went back to my office.

Ah, Landstuhl.