How I Waste Time

I survived another date with golf today, and by survived I mean 'had a good time'.

Its always tough when you start hanging out again with someone you used to be close to but then broke up with, and this time is no different. Initially I was tentative with all the usual reservations. But our first date back, in Bermuda, went so well that I was curious to try it again. Still I'm cautious, and this caution more than anything I think led me to wait a little while after the first date to have another go. I mean, I've been hurt before. By golf. Don't think for one instant I've forgotten that. Because I haven't.


And so I had a good time. Once more I was reminded of all the things I like about golf. Being outside, joking with buddies, hitting a decent shot or two. And the best part is being at the point where I don't have to take the relationship too seriously yet. Don't have to rush back into anything. Hell, don't WANT to rush back into anything. Dont' want to open up just yet. Let the spark rekindle, I keep thinking. For goodness sake, don't FORCE anything - maybe that's what happened last time. This time, let the honeymoon phase bloom and play itself out. Just enjoy it along the way.

And then just see what happens. That's my plan, anyway. I'm not thinking too much more forward than that. I'm optimistic, but I'm also in a good place right now - don't want to upset the mix too much. I want to forget about the past, but I don't want to forget the lessons of the past.

We'll just see how it goes. Still, I wonder how long I should wait before setting the next tee time. What is the rule these days? Three days? A week? How long does a guy wait? Oh man, I've just been out of the game so long...


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I'm not sure where that came from. But I did play golf today, and I did have fun. Pete and I hit up the old Baumholder course (remember Baumholder?!? I do!) with a couple of other guys from the 1st Armored Division - guys I'd met before either in or around Iraq. And we had a good time. Some good shots, some (read: more) bad shots, but enough good shots to keep it entertaining and not utterly frustrating. And with expectations still so low, all was in good fun. And I re-iterate: We'll see what happens.


And now to the real purpose of this post. It occured to me the other day that I don't post a whole lot unless I'm traveling. (And even then I slack off.) Of course the travel posts are the most interesting. There's the travel story, the cultural learnings and multiple faux pas I typically make regarding such, and of course the photos including the token picture of me hoisting Pete like a new bride in various locales. And those posts are all well and good, but what about the other things I do? What about the mundane things of lackluster interest that most blogs really revolve around? What happened to those things in my life? Well, good question.

And with that in mind, I present "How I Waste Time", a multi-part series which looks at exactly what I (or Gwen and I) do on all those "wild" nights in Europe when we're not traveling or doing something Euro or Funboy related. People have been begging for this, absolutely begging for it. And who am I not to oblige? (OK, no one's been begging)


Part I - Madden

No conversation about me and wasting time can start, middle, or end without mentioning Madden NFL Football on the Playstation. It is the free time killing Godzilla, stronger than all the rest. Now its true that in terms of grid-iron video games, I was raised mostly on Tecmo Bowl, Super Tecmo Bowl, and a handful of others, and didn't fully convert to Madden until sometime in medical school. From then on, however, I've been a yearly addict of the game, and have pumped countless hours of my finite life into playing it.

Eddie George, Marshall Faulk, Dante Culpepper, Michael Vick, Ray Lewis, Donovan McNabb, and this year's Sean Alexander (the Madden cover) all grace my shelves, and each game has its own memories for me. Starting around Faulk or Culpepper, the game introduced soundtracks with about 15-20 songs per game, all of which I had pounded into my brain hour after hour to the point where I can recognize those songs on the radio, years later even, as "Madden Songs". I know this about them above all else, be it the song name, the band name, whatever. I just know it was in Madden - and then I can sing it word for word. (To date, my favorite Madden songs of all time are Andrew W.K.'s "Party Hard" (circa the Culpepper cover I think), and Green Day's "American Idiot" from the Ray Lewis year.)


For most of the years of my addiction to this game, I played almost exclusively one player seasons in the "Franchise" mode, meaning I would take on an entire franchise (always the Giants, of course) and start playing the season from start to finish. The seasons would come and go, and not only the games themselves, but all aspects of franchise management would be tended to. After the season was over - with me having won the super bowl just about every time (save that one year when I was intern and Ike Hilliard dropped a Kerry Collins slant in the endzone as time was expiring and I lost in the NFC Championship to the then all-powerful Rams - actually I don't want to talk about it) - there were free agent negotiations/signings to attend to and even rookie scouting which culminated in a draft, complete with boos or cheers from computer fans after selections were made. Finally the year turns over and a new season begins. And so on I would play through season after season, building a dynasty, until the next iteration of Madden came out.

I've toyed with other franchises over the years, here and there. The Seahawks when I was in Seattle, Cincinnatti in other years (for some reason, ever since Tecmo Bowl, Cincy has always been one of my go-to football video game franchises...), but 90% of all games I've played are with the Giants. The players progress in skill, and even on all-madden, the game is too easy, so that after three seasons (all Super Bowl winners of course - save that one year. That one DARK year...) all my players are dominant at their positions (skill attributes are raised or lowered based on performance as you go) and I can destroy the next best team like 42-0.

For the past three years at least, I've played on no setting but All-Madden. The most frustrating thing about the All-Madden setting is the rampant computer cheating, which at first is utterly fazing but after one learns the patterns the game becomes playable. Most disconcerting is how the defenders - especially in a zone defense - turn into Spider-Man when the ball is in the air. They leap thirty feet in the air, move with super-sonic closing speed, catching or deflecting everything - you really have to be careful when throwing the ball on All-Madden. As a result, most of my QB's - despite their high touchdown totals - also have high interception totals. I've accepted it for the most part, however there are certain times when its still really annoying. Like when the defensive linemen who drop back into a short, flat zone during a zone blitz are able to leap and one-handedly snag balls in mid-air and start running the other way. Its nuts.


In light of all this, and even with the mighty All-Madden turned on, the challenge of the game had faded somewhat, and before this year I was struggling to think of what else I could do to make the game more challenging, or at least more interesting. And while wandering in the desert one day (literally - I was walking on the FOB in Iraq), I figured it out. (I'm also proud to add that I was probably the first person on FOB Falcon to have Madden 2007 thanks to an amazon.com pre-order. No joke. I really am proud of that.)

I decided to play every game with every team. I would do it by only playing the offenses. I would never play defense. It was crazy. It was insane. It would take forever. It was exactly the thing I needed to do to ground away time in Iraq. (Technical note: To do this, simply go to 'Settings' after every change of posssesion - be it punt, turnover, score, whatever - and switch the controller icon over to the other team. Voila - you're the other team now.)

And now, having tested this theory over the course of this entire year (from August 2006 onward), I can say it works. And it can be a lot more fun than just taking one franchise and dominating all the time. You take it from me.

Mostly the benefits are getting to play with every team and to see every player in action, from Ladainian Thomlinson and Peyton Manning on down to Ron Dayne and Charlie Frye. Every team has its own play-book, its own strengths and weaknesses. And the games are often quite close because guess what? It's me against me! Also its cool when looking at stats to know that every offensive stat was generated by me - no made up computer stats. I'm not sure why, but this "all natural" stat thing is one of the most pleasing elements of playing this way.

I play 6-minute quarters and a full game takes about an hour, maybe just a hair over. I played about six or seven full weeks of the season when I was in Iraq. Then, a with just a few weeks to go (on the deployment, not the Madden season), tragedy struck. My memory card got messed up (dust, maybe?) and the season was erased. It was a tough blow after all the time I had put in. But I resolved to see it through, and started the season back up.

And that is the same season I'm playing today. Whenever I come home from work and feel the need to Madden, I just fire it up and see what game is next on the schedule. I average about a game a day when I'm in town. Currently I'm in week 11 and the playoff picture is slowly starting to form.

Not every game is super fun (late season 3-6 Browns vs. 2-7 Jets, anyone?) , but most games have some interesting element to them and some games are just non-stop fun because the talent level is so high (Colts/Pats, etc). I know people are wondering if I remain objective in all these games. I can assure everyone that I do. Not only are the Giants not in first place in the NFC, they aren't even first in their division, with both the Cowboys and the Eagles ahead of them. So its not like I take McNabb and immediately start throwing picks with him. I play the games even. (If anything, my knowledge of the Giant defense actually hurts them. For example, I know Sam Madison can't run anymore.)

Right now the race is on to finish out this season prior to the next Madden game shipping. It doesn't look good in terms of the timing, but I'm still motivated. Who knows? I might even do the unheard of and hold off on the playing the next Madden game (available in August) until the season I've got going in this one is done. I might just be that crazy.

THIS is what I do.

I just thought everyone would like to know.





Madden In Iraq

Epilogue - This picture was actually during the night of hell when our ammo dump blew up. It was Rams vs. Seahawks. I'll never forget, putting on my body armor, thinking I might blow up, and then, not knowing what else to do, hitting un-pause and continuing to play Madden...Remind me to write out that whole story some time. It was nuts.